Love, Nourishment & Healing

The beautiful snowy weather is upon us. We have been blessed with so many snowy days this year, the kind of snow that hangs on the branches, illuminating the forest. I love the contrast in colors, the dormant trees, dark and earthy against the fresh white gift of water to the earth.

I have been seeing pileated woodpeckers, bald eagles and chickadees often. The pileated's are so grand, it is wonderful to watch them flying through the air. They look like a prehistoric bird. All of those birds remind me of my Grandparent's, Da and Papa. They loved watching the birds together. My Grandfather would get out the binoculars to watch the baby eagles learn to fly above the cliffs. Chickadees are Da's favorite bird, mine as well.

It has been awhile since I posted anything. It is for a good reason however. I have been feeling good and just have not been able to sit down at the computer and write. It is wonderful to fill my days with things I want to do, even if they are chores, it is still great to be able to do something!

My water weight is still very hard to manage. When I am able to get my body on the dryer side, I feel much better. This seems to be about 2/3 of the time now. I can breathe, walk, move, play, drive.

I have been going to cardiac rehab 3 days a week. I have been doing great. My stamina is improving. I am able to do more and for longer periods of time. It is very motivating as it really does make me feel better. It is time consuming, but I have started to think of my health care as my job. It takes well over 40 hours a week to manage my pills, do my nebulizing treatments, go to & make doctor's appointments and blood draws, go to cardiac rehab, get the extra rest I require and make sure I have the correct foods for my very limited diet. It has been easy for me in the past to put some of this off, not taking care of it so that I could instead take care of my family or make money. What I have realized however is that if I do not dedicate this time to my health, I will not be here for my family or for myself. My body needs a lot of love and nourishment. I need to remember this and try and look at it that way rather than as being "sick". New positive affirmation maybe? Now repeat after me, haha. "I am worthy of the love and nourishment my body and soul need to flourish." "I am worthy of the love and nourishment my body and soul need to flourish". Sometimes I think talking to myself or I guess deciding what I am going to say to myself is corny. However, am I not constantly sending my body and soul messages without thinking about it? All of the messages that I have concocted in my head, good and bad, repeating tapes, habit, learned. If I can teach myself to truly feel this, "I am worthy of the love and nourishment my body and soul need to flourish", then I will be in a much happier space.

I have truly been blessed over the past month. Here are some of the things I have been doing.

• Adelaide was a pink poodle for Halloween, Matt an alien and Papa a weird, deranged looking guy. Mom and I were cute :) We got to go to the local fire station for a family friendly celebration, complete with games, food, candy, prizes and a bonfire. Then we walked down the main street in our little town and did some trick or treating. Papa even got a beer! The local cafe had an un-scary, cool haunted house. It felt so good to be out with the family and able to keep up! I love this small town living.
  
• Matt got 2 deer this year, a buck and a doe. He got them within 15 minutes of each other, which I think is really amazing. He worked hard at butchering them. He got one cut up for the freezer and I canned the majority of the other one, turning the rest into hamburger. It is nice to know that we have a well stocked freezer. We celebrated that night with a feast of venison, wild mushrooms and homegrown veggies. Nothing could have tasted better.
• Getting organized. I really got behind over the past few months. It has felt really good to get caught up. Enough said.
• I got to go to lunch to celebrate with some wonderful women. We were all in a program called Renewing Life together, 15 years ago. We have continued to celebrate and cry together since then. One of the women turned 50 and another 80. Spectacular. These women have had such an impact on my life, I am incredibly grateful to have them in my life.
• Healing. Healing is not necessarily a state of physical health. Healing for me is being able to live joyfully, to be able to focus on the moments. To let the future go and live now, right here, whatever situation I may be in. To be able to live it, feel it fully in all its glory and pain. It is what it is. Being able to experience it truly and authentically. This second, this moment, this is my life. I am not guaranteed any more time, but I know I have NOW. I am trying to use my "now's" wisely.
  

• Giving Thanks. Being Grateful. I have spent countless moments in awe of how truly blessed I am. May all of you know that I am truly grateful for each and every one of you.

So that is it for now. I am still staying at my parent's house. The dogs are all going crazy, that must mean that Matt is at the door. WooHoo. I am off to enjoy my moments, I hope you find yourself enjoying yours too.

P.S. I really like this (adapted) from Mary Wood

Bless these, our circumstances, Bless the hardship and the pain as well as the delight Bless the hunger and the thirst as well as the abundance Bless the locusts and the drought. Bless the things that do not turn out right as well as those that do. Bless those who take all and give not and also those who love. In these circumstances, find growth. In growth, discover clarity. In clarity, an inner vision.